Comedian Tim Vine smashed the world record for most jokes told in an hour with 499, beating the previous record of 362. He's great at saying the worst things about people but also making sure everyone has dinner, parties together, and stays friends. Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. Dwight is unconvinced that anybody from the office suffers from leprosy, flesh-eating bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Spontaneous Dental Hydroplosion, or Government Created Nanorobot Infection. Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. Funny jokes never get old, so here we are with some of the funniest jokes you will ever find online.
I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel. But on the plus side — only three more sleeps till Christmas. I mean my anxiety is through the roof but record times. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Just check out this classic scene from I Love Lucy, in which Lucille Ball and her pal Ethel try not to get fired at the chocolate factory and prove to their husbands that a job is easier than housework by keeping up with the conveyor belts.
She was wearing massive gloves. Why did the snowman suddenly smile? Last night she told us that joke about Beethoven. They charged one - and let the other one off. Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. And for more bad but great jokes, check out these.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. Together, we can stop this shit. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. Winter was fast approaching and the years first snow came early and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. Melt them into a tire and call it a goodyear. I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. This time, she got a haircut and new color, a new outfit and big sunglasses.
That's what I bought the buggers for! Wanna hear a joke about my dick? The way nationalities have different takes on the same thing. Before we begin, we want to make it perfectly clear that we have nothing against your mother. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. What type of bird gives the best head? What do you call a blind dinosaur? Which has confused a lot of guys that have tried to start fights with me. He clearly upended the roasts, but after all, aren't you supposed to say nice things about your friends? Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour. Like the way an Irish person or a Scottish person would say that the band Snow Patrol are boring but an Eskimo has a hundred words for how crap Snow Patrol are.
Any time Woody the bartender asked if he was thirsty, something hilarious was sure to come out of his mouth. I made mine out of a pin tail comb and a pack of gum. Turns out, rumors of the death of sitcoms has been greatly exaggerated. What should you do if you come across an elephant? Of course, you can easily opt out at any time, but we're confident that you won't. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. How are women like linoleum floors? In fact, you delivered a few posts worth of them. When Sammy comes to the Bunker house to retrieve it, Archie is on his best behavior, at least until the Rat Pack legend.
He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. Both wiggle when you eat them. You put a little boogie in it. Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.